Oh Great, We're Naming Our Children After Pokémon Now

Pokémon Go has been responsible for a few unseemly things since being released: armed robberies, a murder hoax, car crashes, and sending people towards a nuclear disaster site. Now it’s even ruining future generations.

Baby name tracking site Babycenter noticed an alarming uptick in parents saddling their offspring with the names of fictional monsters who are bred and captured for the express purpose of engaging in virtual cockfights. Among girls, Eeevee shot up 1,377 spots since last year while Onyx climbed an impressive 2,184 spots. If I have a daughter later in life, there are many things I’d want for her—health, happiness, the conviction to follow her dreams without being saddled by reductive gender roles—and I’m not entirely clear on how those are exemplified by a snake made of rocks or a rabbit that likes to get stoned. Ash—the protagonist of the original Pokémon anime series—has also seen increased popularity, though it’s a far less egregious choice than say, Vileplume.

There are exceptions to every rule, of course. The Florida man who named his son Naruto earlier this year had good and thoughtful reasons for doing so. But pure 90s nostalgia just doesn’t pass muster.

In an effort to turn back the tide on this trend we’ve compiled a short list of names we suggest avoiding for the recently babied:

• Bulbasaur
  
• Ivysaur
  
• Venusaur
  
• Charmander
  
• Charmeleon
  
• Charizard
  
• Squirtle
  
• Wartortle
  
• Blastoise
  
• Caterpie
  
• Metapod
  
• Butterfree
  
• Weedle
  
• Kakuna
  
• Beedrill
  
• Pidgey
  
• Pidgeotto
  
• Pidgeot
  
• Rattata
  
• Raticate
  
• Spearow
  
• Fearow
  
• Ekans
  
• Arbok
  
• Pikachu
  
• Raichu
  
• Sandshrew
  
• Sandslash
  
• Nidoran♀
  
• Nidorina
  
• Nidoqueen
  
• Nidoran♂
  
• Nidorino
  
• Nidoking
  
• Clefairy
  
• Clefable
  
• Vulpix
  
• Ninetales
  
• Jigglypuff
  
• Wigglytuff
  
• Zubat
  
• Golbat
  
• Oddish
  
• Gloom
  
• Vileplume
  
• Paras
  
• Parasect
  
• Venonat
  
• Venomoth
  
• Diglett
  
• Dugtrio
  
• Meowth
  
• Persian
  
• Psyduck
  
• Golduck
  
• Mankey
  
• Primeape
  
• Growlithe
  
• Arcanine
  
• Poliwag
  
• Poliwhirl
  
• Poliwrath
  
• Abra
  
• Kadabra
  
• Alakazam
  
• Machop
  
• Machoke
  
• Machamp
  
• Bellsprout
  
• Weepinbell
  
• Victreebel
  
• Tentacool
  
• Tentacruel
  
• Geodude
  
• Graveler
  
• Golem
  
• Ponyta
  
• Rapidash
  
• Slowpoke
  
• Slowbro
  
• Magnemite
  
• Magneton
  
• Farfetch’d
  
• Doduo
  
• Dodrio
  
• Seel
  
• Dewgong
  
• Grimer
  
• Muk
  
• Shellder
  
• Cloyster
  
• Gastly
  
• Haunter
  
• Gengar
  
• Onix
  
• Drowzee
  
• Hypno
  
• Krabby
  
• Kingler
  
• Voltorb
  
• Electrode
  
• Exeggcute
  
• Exeggutor
  
• Cubone
  
• Marowak
  
• Hitmonlee
  
• Hitmonchan
  
• Lickitung
  
• Koffing
  
• Weezing
  
• Rhyhorn
  
• Rhydon
  
• Chansey
  
• Tangela
  
• Kangaskhan
  
• Horsea
  
• Seadra
  
• Goldeen
  
• Seaking
  
• Staryu
  
• Starmie
  
• Mr. Mime
  
• Scyther
  
• Jynx
  
• Electabuzz
  
• Magmar
  
• Pinsir
  
• Tauros
  
• Magikarp
  
• Gyarados
  
• Lapras
  
• Ditto
  
• Eevee
  
• Vaporeon
  
• Jolteon
  
• Flareon
  
• Porygon
  
• Omanyte
  
• Omastar
  
• Kabuto
  
• Kabutops
  
• Aerodactyl
  
• Snorlax
  
• Articuno
  
• Zapdos
  
• Moltres
  
• Dratini
  
• Dragonair
  
• Dragonite
  
• Mewtwo
  
• Mew
  
• Chikorita
  
• Bayleef
  
• Meganium
  
• Cyndaquil
  
• Quilava
  
• Typhlosion
  
• Totodile
  
• Croconaw
  
• Feraligatr
  
• Sentret
  
• Furret
  
• Hoothoot
  
• Noctowl
  
• Ledyba
  
• Ledian
  
• Spinarak
  
• Ariados
  
• Crobat
  
• Chinchou
  
• Lanturn
  
• Pichu
  
• Cleffa
  
• Igglybuff
  
• Togepi
  
• Togetic
  
• Natu
  
• Xatu
  
• Mareep
  
• Flaaffy
  
• Ampharos
  
• Bellossom
  
• Marill
  
• Azumarill
  
• Sudowoodo
  
• Politoed
  
• Hoppip
  
• Skiploom
  
• Jumpluff
  
• Aipom
  
• Sunkern
  
• Sunflora
  
• Yanma
  
• Wooper
  
• Quagsire
  
• Espeon
  
• Umbreon
  
• Murkrow
  
• Slowking
  
• Misdreavus
  
• Unown
  
• Wobbuffet
  
• Girafarig
  
• Pineco
  
• Forretress
  
• Dunsparce
  
• Gligar
  
• Steelix
  
• Snubbull
  
• Granbull
  
• Qwilfish
  
• Scizor
  
• Shuckle
  
• Heracross
  
• Sneasel
  
• Teddiursa
  
• Ursaring
  
• Slugma
  
• Magcargo
  
• Swinub
  
• Piloswine
  
• Corsola
  
• Remoraid
  
• Octillery
  
• Delibird
  
• Mantine
  
• Skarmory
  
• Houndour
  
• Houndoom
  
• Kingdra
  
• Phanpy
  
• Donphan
  
• Porygon2
  
• Stantler
  
• Smeargle
  
• Tyrogue
  
• Hitmontop
  
• Smoochum
  
• Elekid
  
• Magby
  
• Miltank
  
• Blissey
  
• Raikou
  
• Entei
  
• Suicune
  
• Larvitar
  
• Pupitar
  
• Tyranitar
  
• Lugia
  
• Ho-oh
  
• Celebi
  
• Treecko
  
• Grovyle
  
• Sceptile
  
• Torchic
  
• Combusken
  
• Blaziken
  
• Mudkip
  
• Marshtomp
  
• Swampert
  
• Poochyena
  
• Mightyena
  
• Zigzagoon
  
• Linoone
  
• Wurmple
  
• Silcoon
  
• Beautifly
  
• Cascoon
  
• Dustox
  
• Lotad
  
• Lombre
  
• Ludicolo
  
• Seedot
  
• Nuzleaf
  
• Shiftry
  
• Taillow
  
• Swellow
  
• Wingull
  
• Pelipper
  
• Ralts
  
• Kirlia
  
• Gardevoir
  
• Surskit
  
• Masquerain
  
• Shroomish
  
• Breloom
  
• Slakoth
  
• Vigoroth
  
• Slaking
  
• Nincada
  
• Ninjask
  
• Shedinja
  
• Whismur
  
• Loudred
  
• Exploud
  
• Makuhita
  
• Hariyama
  
• Azurill
  
• Nosepass
  
• Skitty
  
• Delcatty
  
• Sableye
  
• Mawile
  
• Aron
  
• Lairon
  
• Aggron
  
• Meditite
  
• Medicham
  
• Electrike
  
• Manectric
  
• Plusle
  
• Minun
  
• Volbeat
  
• Illumise
  
• Roselia
  
• Gulpin
  
• Swalot
  
• Carvanha
  
• Sharpedo
  
• Wailmer
  
• Wailord
  
• Numel
  
• Camerupt
  
• Torkoal
  
• Spoink
  
• Grumpig
  
• Spinda
  
• Trapinch
  
• Vibrava
  
• Flygon
  
• Cacnea
  
• Cacturne
  
• Swablu
  
• Altaria
  
• Zangoose
  
• Seviper
  
• Lunatone
  
• Solrock
  
• Barboach
  
• Whiscash
  
• Corphish
  
• Crawdaunt
  
• Baltoy
  
• Claydol
  
• Lileep
  
• Cradily
  
• Anorith
  
• Armaldo
  
• Feebas
  
• Milotic
  
• Castform
  
• Kecleon
  
• Shuppet
  
• Banette
  
• Duskull
  
• Dusclops
  
• Tropius
  
• Chimecho
  
• Absol
  
• Wynaut
  
• Snorunt
  
• Glalie
  
• Spheal
  
• Sealeo
  
• Walrein
  
• Clamperl
  
• Huntail
  
• Gorebyss
  
• Relicanth
  
• Luvdisc
  
• Bagon
  
• Shelgon
  
• Salamence
  
• Beldum
  
• Metang
  
• Metagross
  
• Regirock
  
• Regice
  
• Registeel
  
• Latias
  
• Latios
  
• Kyogre
  
• Groudon
  
• Rayquaza
  
• Jirachi
  
• Deoxys
  
• Turtwig
  
• Grotle
  
• Torterra
  
• Chimchar
  
• Monferno
  
• Infernape
  
• Piplup
  
• Prinplup
  
• Empoleon
  
• Starly
  
• Staravia
  
• Staraptor
  
• Bidoof
  
• Bibarel
  
• Kricketot
  
• Kricketune
  
• Shinx
  
• Luxio
  
• Luxray
  
• Budew
  
• Roserade
  
• Cranidos
  
• Rampardos
  
• Shieldon
  
• Bastiodon
  
• Burmy
  
• Wormadam
  
• Mothim
  
• Combee
  
• Vespiquen
  
• Pachirisu
  
• Buizel
  
• Floatzel
  
• Cherubi
  
• Cherrim
  
• Shellos
  
• Gastrodon
  
• Ambipom
  
• Drifloon
  
• Drifblim
  
• Buneary
  
• Lopunny
  
• Mismagius
  
• Honchkrow
  
• Glameow
  
• Purugly
  
• Chingling
  
• Stunky
  
• Skuntank
  
• Bronzor
  
• Bronzong
  
• Bonsly
  
• Mime Jr.
  
• Happiny
  
• Chatot
  
• Spiritomb
  
• Gible
  
• Gabite
  
• Garchomp
  
• Munchlax
  
• Riolu
  
• Lucario
  
• Hippopotas
  
• Hippowdon
  
• Skorupi
  
• Drapion
  
• Croagunk
  
• Toxicroak
  
• Carnivine
  
• Finneon
  
• Lumineon
  
• Mantyke
  
• Snover
  
• Abomasnow
  
• Weavile
  
• Magnezone
  
• Lickilicky
  
• Rhyperior
  
• Tangrowth
  
• Electivire
  
• Magmortar
  
• Togekiss
  
• Yanmega
  
• Leafeon
  
• Glaceon
  
• Gliscor
  
• Mamoswine
  
• Porygon-Z
  
• Gallade
  
• Probopass
  
• Dusknoir
  
• Froslass
  
• Rotom
  
• Uxie
  
• Mesprit
  
• Azelf
  
• Dialga
  
• Palkia
  
• Heatran
  
• Regigigas
  
• Giratina
  
• Cresselia
  
• Phione
  
• Manaphy
  
• Darkrai
  
• Shaymin
  
• Arceus
  
• Victini
  
• Snivy
  
• Servine
  
• Serperior
  
• Tepig
  
• Pignite
  
• Emboar
  
• Oshawott
  
• Dewott
  
• Samurott
  
• Patrat
  
• Watchog
  
• Lillipup
  
• Herdier
  
• Stoutland
  
• Purrloin
  
• Liepard
  
• Pansage
  
• Simisage
  
• Pansear
  
• Simisear
  
• Panpour
  
• Simipour
  
• Munna
  
• Musharna
  
• Pidove
  
• Tranquill
  
• Unfezant
  
• Blitzle
  
• Zebstrika
  
• Roggenrola
  
• Boldore
  
• Gigalith
  
• Woobat
  
• Swoobat
  
• Drilbur
  
• Excadrill
  
• Audino
  
• Timburr
  
• Gurdurr
  
• Conkeldurr
  
• Tympole
  
• Palpitoad
  
• Seismitoad
  
• Throh
  
• Sawk
  
• Sewaddle
  
• Swadloon
  
• Leavanny
  
• Venipede
  
• Whirlipede
  
• Scolipede
  
• Cottonee
  
• Whimsicott
  
• Petilil
  
• Lilligant
  
• Basculin
  
• Sandile
  
• Krokorok
  
• Krookodile
  
• Darumaka
  
• Darmanitan
  
• Maractus
  
• Dwebble
  
• Crustle
  
• Scraggy
  
• Scrafty
  
• Sigilyph
  
• Yamask
  
• Cofagrigus
  
• Tirtouga
  
• Carracosta
  
• Archen
  
• Archeops
  
• Trubbish
  
• Garbodor
  
• Zorua
  
• Zoroark
  
• Minccino
  
• Cinccino
  
• Gothita
  
• Gothorita
  
• Gothitelle
  
• Solosis
  
• Duosion
  
• Reuniclus
  
• Ducklett
  
• Swanna
  
• Vanillite
  
• Vanillish
  
• Vanilluxe
  
• Deerling
  
• Sawsbuck
  
• Emolga
  
• Karrablast
  
• Escavalier
  
• Foongus
  
• Amoonguss
  
• Frillish
  
• Jellicent
  
• Alomomola
  
• Joltik
  
• Galvantula
  
• Ferroseed
  
• Ferrothorn
  
• Klink
  
• Klang
  
• Klinklang
  
• Tynamo
  
• Eelektrik
  
• Eelektross
  
• Elgyem
  
• Beheeyem
  
• Litwick
  
• Lampent
  
• Chandelure
  
• Axew
  
• Fraxure
  
• Haxorus
  
• Cubchoo
  
• Beartic
  
• Cryogonal
  
• Shelmet
  
• Accelgor
  
• Stunfisk
  
• Mienfoo
  
• Mienshao
  
• Druddigon
  
• Golett
  
• Golurk
  
• Pawniard
  
• Bisharp
  
• Bouffalant
  
• Rufflet
  
• Braviary
  
• Vullaby
  
• Mandibuzz
  
• Heatmor
  
• Durant
  
• Deino
  
• Zweilous
  
• Hydreigon
  
• Larvesta
  
• Volcarona
  
• Cobalion
  
• Terrakion
  
• Virizion
  
• Tornadus
  
• Thundurus
  
• Reshiram
  
• Zekrom
  
• Landorus
  
• Kyurem
  
• Keldeo
  
• Meloetta
  
• Genesect
  
• Chespin
  
• Quilladin
  
• Chesnaught
  
• Fennekin
  
• Braixen
  
• Delphox
  
• Froakie
  
• Frogadier
  
• Greninja
  
• Bunnelby
  
• Diggersby
  
• Fletchling
  
• Fletchinder
  
• Talonflame
  
• Scatterbug
  
• Spewpa
  
• Vivillon
  
• Litleo
  
• Pyroar
  
• Flabébé
  
• Floette
  
• Florges
  
• Skiddo
  
• Gogoat
  
• Pancham
  
• Pangoro
  
• Furfrou
  
• Espurr
  
• Meowstic
  
• Honedge
  
• Doublade
  
• Aegislash
  
• Spritzee
  
• Aromatisse
  
• Swirlix
  
• Slurpuff
  
• Inkay
  
• Malamar
  
• Binacle
  
• Barbaracle
  
• Skrelp
  
• Dragalge
  
• Clauncher
  
• Clawitzer
  
• Helioptile
  
• Heliolisk
  
• Tyrunt
  
• Tyrantrum
  
• Amaura
  
• Aurorus
  
• Sylveon
  
• Hawlucha
  
• Dedenne
  
• Carbink
  
• Goomy
  
• Sliggoo
  
• Goodra
  
• Klefki
  
• Phantump
  
• Trevenant
  
• Pumpkaboo
  
• Gourgeist
  
• Bergmite
  
• Avalugg
  
• Noibat
  
• Noivern
  
• Xerneas
  
• Yveltal
  
• Zygarde
  
• Diancie
  
• Hoopa
  

• Volcanion
  

[Buzzfeed via Telegraph]